My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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