I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You left your underwear on the fireplace
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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