yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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