I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
