Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
