At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
