mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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