Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
