I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize