Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
