I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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