you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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