I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
