dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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