theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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