Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
