My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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