This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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