I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Terrible idea I love it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
