tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
