I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
