Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think your dad took our porno
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
