What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We're too hungover to prance.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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