we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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