i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
