no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
