Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
