Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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