I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
