Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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