at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
