So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
