Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
