Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
