I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
