nut hugger
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
