y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
