gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize