Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
