Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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