Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
