I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
