I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
