2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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