I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
