Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
