you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
