dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
