I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
