This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
