For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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