The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
