I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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