when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
