I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
