can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
