You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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