the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
