2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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