Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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