so explain again why im purple
no
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
