i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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