Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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