He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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