Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
