im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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