I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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