I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
