'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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