From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm always down for nudity.
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