Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
