is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
