no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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