My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
